MY DISCLAIMER AS WITH EVERY PARENTING POST:
YOU - ARE - THE - MOM. YOU FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS, AND LET ME FOLLOW MINE. I AM NOT IN ANY WAY STATING THAT IF YOU DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING YOU ARE RIGHT, AND
I AM IN NO WAY STATING THAT IF YOU DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING THAT YOU ARE WRONG. I AM SHARING MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND BELIEFS. I AM ALLOWING YOU INTO MY
MIND SPACE, IT'S A CRAZY STRANGE PLACE TO BE WITH TOPICS YOU MAY DISAGREE WITH. PROCEED WITH CAUTION DEAR FRIENDS :)
Attachment Parenting. Ah. What a dangerous topic. Anytime I share with someone that we practice attachment parenting I can almost guarentee a blank stare
for a few seconds, a subtle eye roll, or (my personal favorite) a snarky comment. The reactions i've recieved for the past 2 years made me realize that AP is
a sorely misunderstood practice. I have been wanting to write about this for quite awhile but was a little fearful of the reactions (or rather, backlash)
that we would recieve. Ya know, because we are ruining our daughter and all! (Okay okay, that was MY only snarky comment for the rest of this post...maybe)
Attachment parenting is something we deeply believe in. For us it is NOT some new fangled trend that we use to look like hippies and make peace with our
inner child. I only say that because i've met a lot of attachment parents, from all different walks of life, and to some, this is a trend, with rules, and
standards. AP is NOT that. Let me say right now that attachment parenting has NO rules and it does not look the same from person to person. Below I listed
exactly what AP is. (This list is from the book, "Beyond the sling")
- A belief that babies can not be spoiled, do not manipulate, and seek to be understood.
- A belief that Western and “modern” conventional notions of baby training are limited, parent-centered to a fault, and at the least, worth questioning.
- A desire to seek out opportunities for babies and children to be themselves and grow at their own pace rather than conform to society’s notions of what babies and children “should” do and when they do those things.
- A faith that children are the way they are for a specific reason and that individual differences need individual care.
- A deep notion that punishment and physical force are not the way to discipline; rather that the principles of Gentle Discipline are valuable, helpful, and ideal
I feel that this list PEFECTLY sums up what AP is and what we believe in raising Miah. Personally, I do not understand why AP has a "name" to it, isn't going
with your mommy instinct just called PARENTING? It really annoys me that I even classify myself as an Attachment parent but it is what it is! We didn't
do half of the things you're "supposed to do" when you're an attachment parent. I didn't have a natural birth (and i truly do not desire to LOL), I didn't
breastfeed past 1 month (Although I would of really liked to! next time!), I didn't practice elimination communication (I didn't even know what it was until
Miah was 1! and I don't think i'll ever do it), I didn't cloth diaper the whole time. The list goes on. To be honest, I didn't even know I believed in
half of this until I held Miah for the first time! I KNEW without a doubt I did not believe in spanking, never have, never will. But I didn't think much of
the "Cry it out" thing, I just thought that's how you got your baby to sleep! I thought holding my baby too much would spoil her, and I certainly did NOT
believe in cosleeping! No no no, "she will be in her own room by the time she's 4 months!" I would say. MAN. Did I get hit with reality when I had her and
my mommy instincts kicked in!! My mommy instincts said "Hold her, she needs to be close to you, you cannot spoil a baby who just wants to be close to her
mama" .. and from there, I obeyed my instincts. I got a lot of flack in the process, but my mommy instincts were NOT something someone else controlled, they
were MY God given instincts on how to raise and properly care for MY child, how could anyone possibly argue with that??? I didn't even know what I was doing
was labeled as "attachment parenting"...until I started researching it (as i do with almost everything I have questions about lol). I really felt understood
once I connected with other Attachment parenting mommies who encouraged me through everything.
One of the things that people would give me the hardest time
about was co-sleeping. MAN, if you want to start a fight just tell people you co-sleep with your baby, THAT (for whatever reason) pushes some buttons!! I
really don't know why, after all, are YOU sleeping in the bed with us? Are YOU waking up in the middle of the night with my child who hated her crib and
slept better nuzzled into her mama? I feel like society pressures children to hit milestones at a certain time (or best of all, faster than everyone elses
slow child!! mwahah) and pressures children to grow up WAY too quickly. WHY does my 3 month old need to learn how to "Self soothe"? Seriously, 3 months old
and you're going to tell me that my child needs to learn how to handle her emotions and soothe herself. REALLY???????? We did not do "Cry it out" with Miah
and she's now 2 years and 3 months with normal, healthy emotions. I'm 28 years old, and I STILL have a hard time handling my emotions (As does EVERY SINGLE
SOLITARY WOMAN I KNOW ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET) .. my job as Miah's mom is to nuture her emotions, help her learn as she grows WHAT she is feeling, my job
is to be there to listen, and help her sort out the very very big and scary feelings that kids have and to teach her how to properly handle her feelings.
When I say properly handle her feelings, I mean teaching her that hitting someone who makes you angry is NOT okay, making someone feel bad because she feels
bad is NOT okay, taking her anger out on our animals is NOT okay, etc.
I know many people who do not do things the way we do, and That is perfectly okay! My goal in writing about this is to hopefully increase tolerance a little
bit for this style of parenting that seems to be oh so controversial so that the next mom who brings up the fact that they are an AP doesn't have to be
subjected to the little eye rolls, or snarky comments! I hope people don't look at it as a trend or fad, and I hope moms and moms to be really
think about the way we were designed as human beings and really LISTEN to that motherly instinct that is instilled in them when they become moms. Don't let
other people tell you how to raise your child, you WILL regret it. Don't think you know everything just because you've had a lot of experience with kids
because it ALL changes when you become a mom, and remember NO 2 kids are the same, nuture their individuality and let it blossom!!
Happy Parenting :)
