Attachment Parenting on Dr.Phil

Hm. So. I heard about this episode of Dr.Phil today from one of the parenting groups I am apart of on Facebook. I decided to look it up and I watched a few clips and I just laughed and shook my head. This is going to be controversial, so if you want to stop reading, there was your cue to exit now! :) As always, this is just the way MIKE AND I raise Miah, if you don't agree with it, thats totally fine. Every parent knows their child better than anyone else does!!

Everybody knows we practice attachment parenting. It's something I feel VERY strongly about, and something I believe 200% in!! As most of you know, EVERYTHING I do, I research. I like to find out EVERY BIT of information that I can about things (the good, the bad, and all that's in between!), then I make an informed decision on whether I agree with it and want to bring it to our lives. I am NOT the person who just practices parenting the same way I saw it practiced by my parents. Everything I do for Miah, is researched, looked into, and talked about with Mike. When I approach him about something, I bring him the information I found (this includes pros & cons, NOT just pros) and we discuss if whatever it is, is something that we'd like to bring into our family and do with Miah. We strongly believe she is OUR child, and was entrusted to US. As long as He & I agree with the way we parent and raise her (and it's not something that we as Christians feel is wrong from our beliefs) then we don't really care what others have to say about it. (Our mentality is, if you don't like the way we're doing things with her, have your own child and you can do things differently with them. Sounds harsh, but it's true.)

From the clips I saw on the Dr Phil show today, he seemed hell bent on telling the Mom who practices attachment parenting that she was wrong, and she's parenting incorrectly.  Here are the things/comments I saw on the show that i'd like to address from my perspective.


1) - AP Creates separation anxiety in children - This is something I do NOT believe AT ALL.  Hear me out!! - Miah wasn't left with anybody to babysit her until she was about 14 weeks old (because of her sleep schedule Mike and I were able to get a ton of alone time without having to leave the house) ... I remember being told constantly "You have to be away from her, she's going to have separation anxiety, she's going to be too attached to you, she's never going to go to anyone else" ... and I remember being really nervous thinking all these things would happen if I didn't leave her with someone else.... But it didn't feel right to leave her yet, and I didn't feel comfortable, so I trusted my instinct and we didn't. Throughout the last 18 months, we really haven't left Miah very much...When we do, it's only for 2-3 hours so it's not very much. I am a stay at home mom, so i'm with Miah 24/7. I do absolutely everything with her. Where I go, she goes. Because of that, I make myself scarce on some days/nights when Mike is home so that they can have their daddy/daughter time. But, when we do leave her with someone, she's 100% fine. She doesn't cry. We don't sneak out. We tell her we'll be back, we give kisses and hugs, wave bye bye, and we leave and she goes and plays. It's really not traumatic or upsetting to her at all. As rare as it is that I leave her, she doesn't have an issue with being away from me for a little while.  I believe she is secure, and trusts that Mama and Daddy are definitely coming back for her!

2) - A comment from a psychologist who is against AP -"Why do you always carry/wear your baby? Let them go be a kid!"  - Just because I carry or wear my daughter, doesn't mean she isn't a kid. SHE tells me when she wants to be held, and she tells me when she wants to get down. If the place were at isn't safe, she isn't allowed down. Otherwise, she holds the reigns!!! When my daughter wants to be picked up, she's picked up. I want her to know she's allowed to be close to us ANYTIME she would like to be.

3) - Let them cry it out so they learn independence! - I definitely don't believe this is right for Miah ...When asked about it, I try to explain it and this is the example I use:
If I was hysterically crying and Mike heard me but wasn't acknowledging me, or when he did, he came in, patted me on the back without saying anything, and then left....How the heck would I trust him??? I wouldn't. I would be FORCED to become independent because I would be alone left to calm myself down. But, would I trust Mike to take care of me or care about me? NOPE! This to me, makes perfect sense .Some people don't see it this way (and thats ok!!!) but we do, and crying it out isn't an option for Miss Miah and wont be with any other children we have!

4) Co-sleeping is damaging to the child - I've wrote about this before, so I wont say too much. But I don't think co-sleeping is damaging at all. I also don't think your child sleeping in a crib is damaging at all



I've done all of these things with Miah. She's only 18 months old, but she's a smart, healthy, thriving, funny, loving toddler who loves her Mama & Daddy! She doesn't have separation anxiety, and she isn't psychologically damaged. I believe everything we've done has worked for us, and Miah is a content and happy kid!!

"Eat! Eat! Eat!"

Please remember, this is just stuff we buy to keep in our house for her and this is her "normal,everyday" meals. She IS a kid, and she DOES get treats, But we don't let her go buck wild with eating everything, especially the things that have proven to be unhealthy and bad for you. She's never had a french fry before, and she probably wont ever have a "real" hot dog in her childhood. But those are OUR choices for her, and what WE believe is best for her. We would NEVER LOOK DOWN on someone for feeding their child differently than we do. WE are choosing to feed her this way because we feel that it is our responsibility to nourish her, and teach her to make healthy choices. If she has been raised on the healthy stuff, she will more than likely choose the healthy stuff on her own.When she's old enough to understand, we'll teach her WHY we feed her this way, and that food is meant to nourish us and make her healthy, but bad choices can make her sick and cause other problems, but that it's okay to enjoy the bad stuff in moderation! If one day as an adult she decides she hates healthy food and wants to eat chocolate cake everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner, that's her choice, but Mike and I will feel good knowing WE did all we could and we taught her about healthy foods, and to make healthy choices. Mike and I still have A LOT to change in our own diets, but were getting there little by little with her as our tiny motivator! :) 


I get a lot of questions about how we feed Miah.  I thought i'd jot down for the day what she ate so you could see how I balance her meals, and what typical meals look like for her! We try very hard to balance her meals. We try to give her a variety of meat, dairy, carbs, fresh fruits & veggies so she's not eating too much of one thing in a day. The only exception to this is fruit & veggies... we allow her to have as many in a day as she'd like. (and no, too much fruit doesn't constipate her, i believe this has to do with the probiotics!)



Breakfast 
Milk (with probiotic dissolved in it)
Whole wheat pancakes with flax seed & blueberries. A little butter.

Morning Snack #1
Banana

Morning Snack #2
Dried fruit
Raisins

Lunch
Cottage Cheese
Fresh Fruit (Watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, grapes)

Afternoon Snack #1
Triscuits & Laughing cow Garden vegetable cheese

Afternoon Snack #2
Dried peas & corn
Apple Chips

Dinner
Baked Chicken.
Mixed Veggies


Miah always drinks water and she has milk (Lactaid) 1-2x a day. She doesn't get any juice. The only exception to this, is when she's sick I'll juice my own orange juice, or i'll give her "simply orange" orange juice. She'll only have about 1/4 of a cup of juice though. Otherwise, all she drinks is water, and we keep that available to her all throughout the day. If I notice she is too busy playing and hasn't drank in awhile i'll hand her cup to her and encourage her to drink a little bit.

I've mentioned before, we buy organic. This is a personal choice for us. The important things we get organic are meats, dairy (as much as we can find!), and the dirty dozen produce. We have given up a lot of the processed stuff in order to give Miah the organic stuff. For us, it works.

Don't get me wrong, we have stuff on hand like boxed mac n cheese, or frozen chicken nuggets for when we run out of other stuff, or when im just plain feeling lazy and don't feel like being in the kitchen!

Other favorites for Miah are:
- Homemade mac n cheese (just whole wheat pasta with cheese and butter) very easy and the ingredients are simple.
- Homemade chicken nuggets ... they can then be frozen and heated in the oven so it's just as easy as store bought!
- Sweet potato, plain or with butter & cinnamon. (Tip: These do NOT need to be organic, as they are not sprayed. Regular potatoes are VERY high in pesticides and we buy those organic)
- Granola
- Popcorn (I'll buy indiana popcorn cinnamon & sugar and she loves it...the ingredients are very simple and it tastes great!)
- Stacy's cinnamon sugar pita chips
- Chamomile tea (She'll get this at night instead of Milk if she's sick or coughing a lot... we put some honey in it and a splash of milk...she enjoys it!)
- Toast (Whole wheat bread & butter)
- "Fries" (Which aren't really fries..but if you slice a potato very thin, coat it in olive oil, pepper, a little salt , rosemary and parmesean cheese, then bake it...it gets very crispy and "fry" like and she LOVES them!)
- Quinoa
- Kale chips (Just bake fresh kale with salt & pepper)
- Any sort of dried fruit. Dried Mango, and apple are her two favorites!


Hope this helps, and maybe gave you some other ideas on foods to feed your kiddo. It's always a challenge to find new, and healthy foods! If you have any suggestions on healthy foods that your toddler loves, please let me know, i'd love to find more things to give her!

Homeopathic remedies to have on hand!

Here are a couple of homeopathic medicine we always have on hand for us & for Miah! Most of these remedies can be used for adults or children, but the doseage needs to be altered for kids! My chiropractor taught me that when it tells me that adults take 5 tablets, to lower the dose for Miah and give her 2 tablets. It's proven effective thus far! Most homeopathic medicine is side effect free and no risk of overdose!

Viburcol pediatric oral drops - This is basically a homeopathic version of Tylenol. It relieves fever, restlessness, inflammation, teething pain, ear ache, & headache. We LOVE this stuff, and it has worked great for Miah when she has fevers or teething pain!

Camilia - This is wonderful for teething pain, and irritability caused by teething. It is very calming because of the chamomilla in it!

Hylands Teething Tablets - Also excellent for teething! Please note that with homeopathic tablets, you should drop them into the cap of the bottle, and avoid touching them with your bare hands, as it can contaminate the product, and it can possibly lose it's potency. We drop them into the cap and give them to Miah through the cap!

Nux Vomica - So awesome for tummy discomfort!! It does everything, from treating nausea, heartburn, bloating from over eating, and helps with vomiting! It's okay for pregnancy too, so will be great for those preggers with morning sickness!!

Echinacea - There is some debate over echinacea and possible long term use side effects, but I LOVE this stuff!! When I feel a cold coming on, or when I am around people who are sick, I start taking this, and it knocks the illness out VERY quickly!!! I have a childrens version for Miah as well, and it knocked her most recent cold out a day after I gave it to her. LOVE this stuff, and I ALWAYS have it in my house!

Probiotics - This supports a healthy digestive system and also supports the immune system. Miah gets it everyday, and when we run out of it and she doesn't have it for a few days, we notice a HUGE difference in her stomach. She has  A LOT of gas when she doesn't take it (she has a lactose sensitivity) and wakes up at night with gas bubbles. When she has her probiotics though, she's fine. No painful gas, and can eat anything. Miah's never thrown up, or had diarrhea (other than when she was a newborn with the lactose sensitivity) and we contribute that to her always using her probiotics. We absolutely love this stuff, and are so glad we started Miah on it!!

Belladonna - Great for fevers, and migraines!!

Spongia Toasta - Used this for Miah's cough and it was amazing. Took her cough away VERY quickly, and helped her get a restless night sleep!

Those are all I can think of for now, but those are the major ones we keep on hand! :) I hope this helps if you're looking for a more natural approach to common complaints!!!

First things first

* Disclaimer: This blog is about how my husband and I are choosing to raise our 18 month old daughter, Miah. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE understand that this is JUST OUR EXPERIENCE and the way we choose to raise her may go against the grain of how you believe your child should be raised. I believe every parent knows whats best for their child, and I believe that there is more than one way to raise a child! We would NEVER judge parents for doing things differently than we do, just as we hope you would never judge us for doing things differently. This is OUR decision, and it is truly what we believe is best for our child! I am not claiming to be an expert in homeopathy, or attachment parenting. I am learning everyday. But I do A LOT of research constantly, and love to learn, so I figured i'd share some of my experiences with others!* 

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This blog is to discuss the way we are raising Miah. We, personally, are choosing to raise her naturally & treat any conditions homeopathically. What does that mean?

 ** - We feed her organic meats, dairy & produce. We do not give her highly processed foods. She eats a very simple diet full of fresh fruits & veggies, frozen veggies, granola, chicken, and dried fruits & veggies. Please, do not misunderstand me. She's a kid. We allow her to be a kid. She'll get treats, and if we go to a birthday party, she's eating cake! But we don't keep this stuff in our house to feed her on a regular basis.

** - If She has a fever or is sick, we don't run to the tylenol, benadryl, or ibuprofen. She is treated homeopathically first and is taken to her chiropractor. She also takes probiotics daily. In our experience, these things have worked wonderfully and tylenol is VERY rarely needed for her. 

We also choose to practice "Attachment parenting" and "Positive parenting". This is something we believe to be best for Miah and for us as parents. What does that mean?

** - We never let Miah cry it out. We believe every cry or negative expression is an expression of a need. When she starts to whine for something now that she's 18 months and talking a lot, we encourage her to use her words, and tell us what she would like. 

** - We respond quickly to her needs. 

** - We re-direct. When she asks for something she shouldn't have, or grabs something she shouldn't have, we ask her to give us what she's playing with, and we give her something else that she's allowed to play with. 

** - We don't spank. 

** - We don't yell. Don't get me wrong, she can push our buttons sometimes, but we truly try our best to talk to her, and not lose our cool! 

** - We don't do time outs. We don't think separating her from us and sitting her in a room by herself should be used as a punishment. 

** -We explain things to her, and talk to her when she is doing something she shouldn't. 

** - We carry her and hold her a lot. 

** - We still do skin to skin time when she's sick or having a bad day. It calms her quickly, and soothes her.

** - We co-sleep. This is a big one that people used to freak out about with us. We never planned to co-sleep. But one night when she was 5 months old, out of sheer exhaustion, I brought her into bed with me (Mike was at work), and we both slept better than we had since she was born! We took every precaution with co-sleeping. We took off all pillows & blankets and only had a tight fitted sheet on the bed. I moved her between me & a bumper instead of between me and mike, because Mike is a sound sleeper and didn't always feel/hear her. We also set the mattress on the ground so if she fell off she wouldn't get hurt. Miah snuggles with me for a majority of the night, and if she wakes up in the middle of the night, all I need to do is put my hand on her and she rolls into me and falls back asleep. A lot of people have said to me that I am damaging Miah in some way by sleeping with her, and that I am teaching her to not be independent. Personally, i DO NOT believe that at all. Medical research has shown many benefits of co sleeping. Such as: more regular temperatures in the child, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone . Also, they grow up with a higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school , and are more comfortable with affection. 

Now that you have the basics....Please enjoy reading about our experiences, and our trial & error of being first time parents! :)