Gentle !

Well, in 5 days our little love is going to be TWO! Wow! Time has definitely flown. A LOT has changed in two years, that's for sure. We're coming up on, what people refer to as "the terrible two's". I don't like referring to them as "terrible" because it's kind of already setting the kid up for failure....but I will admit, at about 23 months Miah's strong willed nature came out more and more!! Miah knows what she wants, when she wants it, and will settle for nothing less. It's a WONDERFUL quality that I love about her, but at 23 months, it's pretty tough on the parents!! Lol.

We practice gentle parenting, so we do not hit, spank, and we try not to yell (but it is a constant battle for us, as it's natural to us! But it is something we work on everyday, and we are trying to fix) We DO discipline. A lot of people think because we don't spank, we don't discipline. To discipline means to teach or train. We definitely do that in our home. Miah does have consequences for her actions. If she throws something she's not supposed to throw, it's taken away. If she tries to go down stairs and doesn't listen to me when I ask her to come up, she's put in her play pen for a "time in" (more on that in a minute), if we're in a store and she refuses to hold me or daddy's hand or she touches things after we ask her to stop, she's picked up and either carried or put in the cart and not allowed to walk anymore. We talk to her a lot, explain things, and redirect.

Like I said above, we use "time in". Time out i'm sure you're familiar with. It's where the child is sent to a corner or a designated spot alone for a set amount of time. I don't like the concept of time out for little ones because I feel it alienates them, and makes them feel that because they were bad they aren't deserving of being around their loved ones. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Instead, we choose to use time-in. We remove Miah from the situation (whatever she's doing at the time) and sit with her on the couch, or on the floor, with her in our lap, and we talk to her and redirect her. If she goes in the playpen for a time in, i stay next to the playpen (it is in our living room..i dont walk away from it) and wait until she calms down, then tell her that what she was doing wasn't acceptable, and explain how we behave. It has so far worked very very well for her.

I think the most important thing we remember as parents is that our kids are allowed to have bad moods/bad days. They are allowed to feel sad, angry, mad, etc. No way of disciplining is 100 proof. The kids will have bad days, angry feelings, and emotions. I think people forget that kids are people too, not robots meant to behave perfectly all the time. I WANT Miah to express her emotions and feel free to just FEEL! I want her to know she's loved regardless of her mood...I want her to know she's accepted whether she's happy or grumpy at that moment. As she gets older, I want to teach her how to control her emotions...obviously as a 2 year old I don't expect her to control her emotions. Kids that age are very impulsive and don't understand their feelings yet. But I strive to teach Miah how to properly handle her feelings. I want her to know it is okay to have bad days though, but that taking it out on others is not an option. I want her to know that feeling sad sometimes out of the blue is a normal girl thing, and it happens to us all.

Gentle parenting is something Mike and I have decided upon, and committed to. It is a way of discipline we feel is effective, and right for our family. We want to lead Miah by example, and I don't feel that spanking her, then trying to tell her not to hit other people would do anything but cause confusion. I don't understand spanking and don't know that I ever will, but I never want anyone to think we're judging them on their methods. Some of my best friends spank, It's their choice and we really don't care one way or the other. I also don't want to be judged on our methods, and be told they wont work because we're not spanking. I don't think that could be further from the truth.

I just wanted to share this to share how we handle certain issues with Miah, and show that not spanking doesn't equal not disciplining.